Episode 20: Jakaro vs The Double-Dick Duo

Jakaro has reached a new high/low in Ultima Online Forever. Somehow, he found myself awake at 5:30 AM, crawling through Shame dungeon, looking for trouble. He stumbled across a freshly-slain earth elemental, and was quickly scooping up the loot when the individuals responsible for the loot, Lil Wang and Little Ween Peen, stumbled onto the screen, dicks waving all over the place. Jakaro recognized their young appearance immediately. He hailed them with a friendly greeting and a smile.

But wait.

Enraged by the 100 gold that had been stolen from them, the young players suddenly attack! 

Taken by surprise by the sheer power of their shafts, Jakaro had no choice but to hide in the darkness, tail tucked between his legs.  

Jakaro had an out-of-body experience, as if he was watching this scene play out through the dull haze of a computer monitor. He thought to himself, "Here I am, at 5:30 AM, watching myself get the shit beaten out of me by two young players named Lil Wang and Little Ween Peen. I have a reached a new low." 

 

Yes, I got taunted by two young players named Little Wang and Lil Ween Peen. My life is a failure.

Finally, Jakaro was able to dispatch one of the peens. But wait! Just moments after dying, the Ween Peen was alive again, standing erect and ready for battle once more! Ah, to be young again.

Wave after wave of young Ween Peens attacked Jakaro, until finally he realized the futility of his actions-- no matter what he did, there was no winning this battle. If he died, he was the fool who got his ass kicked by two young players with dicks in their name at 5:30 AM. If he won, he was the asshole who killed innocent two young players in the dungeon who were scrounging to defend their 100 gold.

Jakaro decided to recall away and save both his life and his dignity. But hopefully this won't be the last we see of the Double-Dick Duo!