Episode 26: Jakaro Kills a Game Master

'Twas a late, late evening in Britannia. Jakaro was stumbling home from the bar, and decided to take a shortcut through Britain. The streets were eerily deserted. However, when we came around the corner of Britain Bank, he saw something that shook him to his core.
 

Standing in the middle of the bank, next to a forge, was the villainous Game Master himself, Staff Tony! This late in the evening must be the hour in which he forges all of his evil plots to further suppress the free people of UO Forever!

Jakaro thought back to the previous year, back to the evil war of the giants that Tony brought upon the world, and the thousands of innocent lives lost. No more, thought Jakaro. No more shall the citizens of Sosaria suffer! It was time to rid this world of Tony, once and for all!

Oof. Immediately, as soon as Jakaro raised his spear high to the heavens and thrust it into Tony's side, everything went black.

Jakaro quickly resurrected himself, healed his wounds, and went back to work. For the free people of Sosaria!

Oof. The villain was just too strong! He was hitting poor Jakaro for 64-88 damage every second. Jakaro needed to get creative.

Time to bring out the big guns! Well, as close to a gun as you can get in Sosaria. Bow and arrow time!

But it was working! Tony's health was being impacted! Jakaro began to think through all of the difficult times the Free People of Sosaria have suffered under Tony's reign of terror, and used this to fuel his adrenaline during this incredibly difficult battle.

As Tony's health began to wane, his force fields got stronger!

But the battle must continue! Jakaro summoned all of his strength and focused on perhaps the greatest victim of the Evil Tony's reign of terror...

Poor innocent Joe Exotic, the sweet, innocent caretaker of the Moonglow Zoo, who lost everything and had his zoo burned to the ground after he accidentally sold Tony a slightly overweight swamp dragon. But nonetheless, Tony's reign of terror shall soon end, all thanks to Sosaria's #1 Hero, Jakaro!

Here it goes! Jakaro issues a final battle cry! For Sosaria! For Joe! For Jakaroooo!

Wait. That didn't work. Let's try again.

Ugh... 

That's it! The tyrant has been defeated! Jakaro decided to scamper off before Tony's guards find out.

But curiosity got the best of him... He had to know what Tony was carrying in all the pockets of his robes.

What's this? A sword.....?

This sword must have given Tony all of his powers! And it belonged to Jakaro now! Jakaro was now the ruler of all Sosaria! He vowed to fix all of the evil misdeeds throughout the past 8 years!

Nah. Too lazy for that shit.

The End

Episode 25: Jakaro Finds a Psychopath

Ah, another beautiful day in Sosaria. Jakaro was inspecting the status of a decaying house in East Britain when he noticed that a neighbor, Lolitah, seemed to be doing some redecorating. Feeling chivalrous, Jakaro decided to see if they needed any help. 

Knowing that Britannians did not trust Jakaro for some reason, he decided to disguise himself as a wild sasquatch so Lolitah did not immediately kick him out of her house.

 

Ah, so kind of Lolitah to leave her door wide open for Jakaro! He decided to stroll right in. Wanting his good deeds to stay anonymous, Jakaro decided to remain hidden and instead help Lolitah redecorate her home secretly.

Oh no! Lolitah was really struggling with this heavy chest. It seemed like it had a lot of items in it! Jakaro decided to help her out, and scooped it up when she dropped it down on the ground in exhaustion. 

 

He then took it outside to make sure it wasn't trash. 

 

Whoa! 75 jars of savage paint?! As a fierce defender of the native tribes of Sosaria, Jakaro felt very strongly that the white men and women of Britannia should not infringe upon their land. Therefore, he decided to hold on to this paint until he can chat with Lolitah about the importance of preserving the tribal lands.

Upon returning to Lolitah's home, Jakaro noticed that Lolitah had cruelly thrown her pet beetle out into the cold while she was redecorating her home! What a jerk! The beetle turned to him, voice quivering. "Jaaaaakaaaaaroooo... my master who I love has abandoned me..." It whimpered. "It is too difficult to go on like this... please.... put me out of my misery." Tears in his eyes, Jakaro obliged, and ended the poor beetle's suffering.

  

But wait. What's this? 

 

 

In the midst of her cruelty, Lolitah had forgotten that she had left valuable items strapped to the beetle's side! Jakaro decided to keep these items, as he knew the beetle would have wanted him to have the items instead of its cruel former master.

Upon Jakaro's return, Lolitah was acting incredibly fishy. She had built giant wooden doors in front of her home, barring everyone from entering. What was she hiding? Oh well, Jakaro is not one to judge. Jakaro sat outside, waiting for a moment to have a word with Lolitah about her cruelty of animals and of our native people. 

Ah, there she is! Lolitah kindly opened the door and let Jakaro back in.

  

Understanding that Lolitah was busy rearranging her home and probably didn't want to chat right now, Jakaro decided to make himself comfortable.

 

Suddenly, however, Lolitah comes flying up the stairs, frantically throwing items in chests around. Wait-- why are you trying so hard to get rid of this chest, Lolitah? What terrible secrets are you trying to hide?

Nay, Jakaro will no longer be an accomplice to your terrible misdeeds! Jakaro decided to gate the chest to his house in order to preserve some of the evidence of Lolitah's crimes.

What a hero.

Gulping, Jakaro decided to take a look at some of the items Lolitah was trying so desperately to hide. What he saw stole the breath straight from his lungs.

It was a grisly sight. At the top of the chest lay a saddle from a previous horse that Lolitah must have abandoned in the cold.

Troll's blood?! What kind of sick experiments is this psychopath running?

Shrooms?! No wonder Lolitah was acting so erratically, she is clearly addicted to drugs!

 These items were clearly stolen from a grave. My god, Lolitah, just when we thought you couldn't get any more hideous!

And then finally, the icing on the cake-- beautiful coral pieces, ripped carelessly from the seas.

Wow, what a surprising turn of events. What started out as a simple act of kindness had turned into Jakaro uncovering the terrible deeds of an animal-abusing, savage-murdering, grave-robbing drug addict who performed hideous experiments on monsters and destroyed sea life for fun. Some people are just not who they seem, Jakaro thought, shaking his head as he went back to wandering around in the woods.